We never had servants. Only the really well off people had servants. We were alright when I was growing up. Our dad, Zebedee, had several fishing boats, and he had quite a few people working for him at one time. Course, he was devastated when James and I left. He wanted us to take over as he got older, and him and Mum worried no end about whether either of us would ever make anything of ourselves, 'cos they were grafters you know. Devastated, they were, when we left to follow Jesus.
Course, Mum changed her tune when she saw how Jesus was becoming so powerful, with thousands of people following him around.
But no, we were never really well off.
Well, anyway, it was that last meal. I have to say we were afraid, because we had this really bad feeling. Jesus had been so serious for days. And Judas had been really snappy. Something had got into him. I don't know what, but it was bad. The day had been dark, and matched our mood. You could almost feel the dread in the room. I was sat a way across from Judas, and Jesus suddenly stood up, filled a bowl up with water and dragged it across to where Judas was sitting. And Jesus knelt down by Judas' feet, and picked up his foot, put it in his lap, washed it, then did the other one. And Judas just looked afraid, kind of frozen, really upset.
Then Jesus looked around and said, "I have to wash all your feet. Not just Judas! All of you."
And we said, "Why?"
Jesus said, "'cos it's the good thing to do". He carried on, and got to me.
Well, you don't know what it's like to see a man, stood on a mountaintop, surrounded by light and thunder and power and goodness, and be terrified! Again! I mean, Jesus terrified me, you know. Just an ordinary man, and yet somehow He was connected to something huge. Sometimes he would just look or say a word, and you could feel the strength drain out of you, and your legs went. When that happened, you felt that if he wanted to, he could just crush you in a moment, with a click of his fingers. And you were totally at the mercy of his compassion then. He was some kind of unstoppable force - nothing could get in his way.
And yet he was so gentle.
So it was very strange to have this man that I knew now God had sent, kneeling in front of me.
He looked at me and did one of those glances that means, "You know don't you!"
And then I remembered how offended and controlling and angry we had got at those other people helping people in Jesus name, and they weren't our friends! We didn't know them! And James and me didn't want them! We had Jesus! He was our friend - not theirs. And how suddenly I wanted to call fire down from heaven.
I mean, it's just horrible isn't it? How selfish, childish, vindictive.
And I recalled then how Mum had talked to me and James about asking Jesus for a good position in the Kingdom. I remember how we really thought we deserved it, because we had spent time walking around with Jesus. Even though I'd heard Jesus talking about the greatest and the least, the first and the last. And I realised then as Jesus knelt in front of me, that I hadn't really understood any of it.
And I felt so small and dirty and hopeless. Compared to him.
Well anyway, he picked my foot up and there it was. Filthy - in his clean hands. And I thought - that's what I am - I'm just no good.
And here's the weird thing. You see, I knew He loved me. He loved everybody who crossed his path. But just the way he held my foot. It just felt like I was drenched in compassion, and care. Surrounded by certainty and safety and security.
And it seemed like he knew what I was thinking because he said. "It's gonna be okay John. It's gonna be clean. I'm good at this. This is my job, I'm the one that's going to make you good."
And he looks at you, like he looks at me, and says, "I'm the One. I'm the Way. I'm the Life. I'm the Shepherd. I made you in the womb. And I'm gonna make you good."
